I wrapped my long skinny arms around my bent knees, clutching them closely to my chest. I had run out of the living room just moments before, as fast as I could, leaving behind my younger brother and the important men on the television proclaiming the world’s impending doom. I collapsed against the wall breathlessly, my legs weak and unable to hold me up. Slowly I slid to the floor helpless to stop myself. My legs weren’t the only part of my body that wouldn’t do what I wanted, my heart wouldn’t cooperate either. It crashed wildly and painfully in my chest. I couldn’t breathe. My breaths were shallow, ragged, and made a horrible sucking sound when I inhaled. What’s happening to me, I thought. The answer began with the countdown to Y2K.

For many the arrival of the year 2000 was an exciting time, after all a new millennium happens only once in a millennium! But for me, from the moment the clock stroked midnight January first nineteen ninety-nine, all I felt was fear, panic, and dread. Three hundred and sixty-four days left . . . till the end.

 I was home from school one afternoon during winter recess. The excitement of Christmas was behind us but the country and world was still abuzz with anticipation. New Years was only days away. The countdown specials had begun: the best songs, movies, athletes, actors, books etc. of nineteen ninety-eight. At nine years old, I still enjoyed those lists. I stopped on a program I thought to be just another feature in a long line of the years best but a few minutes in I realized I was wrong.

The panel I initially believed were pop culture experts was most definitely not that. They were ‘experts’ in varying fields of technology, economy, agriculture, and a few others I forget. They were there to inform the public that Y2K would be the end of the world, as we knew it. The ‘millennium bug’ would lead to software and hardware failures across all industries including banking, utility systems, government records, and so on so forth descending life into frenzied chaos.       

I was too young to understand hyperbole and nuance. All I heard was ‘it’s going to be the end of the world.’ And when the experts began recommending stockpiling food and survival materials I lost it. I had trouble catching my breath; it felt as if I’d just run a marathon at full speed. My chest hurt, my legs were weak, my tee-shirt clung to my body with cold sweat, and the longer it went on the blurrier my vision grew. I had never known fear as visceral as I did than at that moment.

My thoughts were unfocused but one fought through my mental fog: Jesus Christ. Even at that young age I knew Jesus is the answer. I couldn’t quote scripture and there were many gaps in my knowledge of the gospel, but I knew Jesus would save me if I believed in Him. Knowing that and actively forcing myself to think about what that meant calmed me down. It wasn’t that I no longer felt nervous, I did. However, I knew no matter what I had a Hero who would save me.

So I went through ninety-nine combating every thought of doom with the truth of Christ. New Year’s Eve came quickly that year. I held up well until at six in the evening I began feeling that all-consuming panic again. There were more people on television saying to brace for the end, which was only hours away. Sitting on that floor gasping for air what reined me in was remembering how much God loves me. Even at nine years old I had experienced God’s faithfulness, in everyday things like food to eat and place to sleep, and great things like growing up in a home where I was told of the ultimate sacrifice of Christ Jesus on my behalf. I understood that difficult times would inevitably come perhaps in six hours from then but, I also understood the Sovereign God who loves me is in control.

My strength returned. I got up off that floor and decided I would meet January first, two thousand in faith no matter what it brought. That day has come and gone. Twenty years have passed. I’ve faced trouble and adversity in my personal life and we’ve faced many difficult circumstances as a nation, but maybe none we’ve felt so helpless against as the Corona pandemic. Nevertheless what was true twenty years ago, two thousand twenty years ago, since the beginning of time is still true today: God is in control.

I won’t say it’s easy but remain steadfast, there is always hope in Christ Jesus. Trust Jesus and hold fast to Him even in the dark moments when despair threatens to overcome you. Remind yourself Jesus Christ is Lord, He is almighty, and you belong to Him. He will never leave you or forsake you. Those who dwell in the shelter of The Lord will abide in the shadow of The Almighty (Psalms 91:1), He whose power no enemy can withstand. 

During this difficult season of trials allow your faith to be made perfect in Christ Jesus. Hold onto Him tighter. Don’t only believe in Jesus, rely on Him wholeheartedly. We have a Hero, an infallible Warrior who has already been victorious over the world (John 16:33). That supersedes everything else. Take a deep breath and tell your soul to be still, Christ is in control.

Cassandre is a Brooklyn, New York native. She completed her Bachelor of fine arts in Television and Radio production at the City University of New York Brooklyn College. Cassandre's first Christian fiction novel, Six Years And A Quarter Way Through, was published in 2019. When she's not writing she loves karaoke and rollerblading.